Have you ever wondered abt life & death?

Something happened…I’ll be arranging for check up…so until I got the result I won’t be saying anything abt it…

But it caused me to think a bit abt death…somehow tis ‘idea’ of death never did scare me before…when I was single or even married…I used to talk to husband abt it…wat to do if either of us pass away before the other person…but now tat I’ve kids…I’m kind of scared…not for myself…but for them…they’re so young…who would look after them…how are they going to handle it…& so on…I pray & pray with all my heart I’ll be able to see them grow up…I really hope its just a bad scare…!

We are real…living creature…we live & die…so every minute count…use it meaningfully… 

The thunder was so loud last nite…it woke everyone up…Sweetie asked for me & I swapped room with husband…but she still can’t sleep…kept wanting a hug…a song…Cutie didn’t sleep well too…according to husband…he kept carrying her & she was semi asleep…4hrs of sleep gone…!!

I’m going nuts…really soon…if there’s a stress tester with me now…I think my reading will hit the max…sigh…

Month of May didn’t go pass very well…Sweetie was sick for 2wks (the longest she ever had in 3 years)…she started crying for no reasons – didn’t want to go to playschool…her mood was up & down…round & round…she fell…it was not really serious but she kept complaining abt the pain @ her forearm…PD advised to go for X-Ray…which we did…thank God it was nothing…then for the whole of last wk she kept getting tummy ache (cramp like)…it lasted 2 to 3 mins…then its gone…went to see PD…most likely constipation…she did poo…but maybe not all clear…

Cutie needs to cry to sleep…its getting better than last mth but still crying…

My shoulder ache is on & off…more on than off…

Goodness…I’m so tired…

Last wk was terrible…a very tough wk for both Sweetie & me…I dun even know wat happened…

She woke up happily on Monday morning…got ready to go to school…my parents drove her to school…but something happened – but I dun know wat – she refused to go to class…she cried & cried…my parents were shocked…they didn’t know wat to do…Sweetie cried a lot…even threw her snack box & water bottle on the floor…it’s the 1^st time such things happened…! In the end…they brought her back home…

For the rest of the wk I fetch her to school…but it was no better…she still cry…dun want to go into class…but I made her go in…we stood outside the classroom for 1hr on Tuesday…talking to her coaxing her…finally I pass her to the teacher…she cried super loudly for nearly 10mins (I was still outside – heartache)…Wednesday came…same thing…stood outside the class for nearly 1hr…crying but softer…handed her to the teacher…& she cried…also very loudly…Thursday was better…stood outside the class for nearly 1/2hr…when I pass her to the teacher she cried for awhile…but stopped in less then 5mins…

I did ask her (many times) why she dun want to go to class…but she can’t give me a reason…I asked if any the teachers or friends ‘bullied’ her (although I didn’t put it across like tat)…but there was none…nothing different happened…why the sudden change…?!

It seems like a small issue…but its causing stress to me…I dun know wat’s wrong…& so I can’t ‘help’ her…it hurts me to see her cry…not wanting to go to class…but every time after settling down…I can see (they have a CCTV so parents outside can see wat’s going on in class) tat she’s enjoying herself…singing…doing crafts…playing…

Wat will the coming wk be like…??

I need help…well…not really the physical help – help…if you understand wat I mean…think wat I need is encouragement + support & so on…cos the whole of last wk has been madness…

Sweetie woke up last Sunday with a swollen eye…for no reason @ all…the eye just swell up…went to see a doc…the swell didn’t subside till Tuesday & then on Wednesday she had fever…not very high…hovering around 38.2 ~ 38.4…but its there all the time…not going down…on Thursday friends of fever came…she started having cough & runny nose…!! She’s very grouchy / cranky / touchy…I know its due to the illness but I’m having ‘problems’ too…my left shoulder has been hurting for few mths…its not an everyday thingy…just tat when it ‘attacks’ its really painful & the pain sort of travels to my head causing headache…

Cutie on the other hand ‘developed’ a “crying whenever she wants to sleep” habit…dun know how or why it happened…usually starts in the evening around 5pm+ when she wants to sleep…she’ll cry for around 5-10mins…the she’s fall asleep…& tat’s with us carrying her…I wonder how long she’ll cry if we left her on the cot…she’ll sleep for 1 or 2hr…wake up for milk…then cry herself back to sleep…then another 1 or 2hr later wake up (usually its 10pm+)…& after drinking & changing to PJ…she’ll start crying again & tis is always the loudest & longest cry…it has been going on for 2 or 3 wks…& its driving me nuts…I’m also worried if there’s anything wrong…I called the PD asking if there’s anything wrong…brought her to see the PD too…but there’s nothing we can do…its not even colic…cos she cries @ different times of the day…& she dun seems to be in pain…just crying & crying…*sigh*

So for Memory Monday I chose the verse

Psalm 121:1-2 – I lift my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Today will be a new start for Sweetie…she will be attending ‘workgroup’ instead of ‘playgroup’…its daily (5 days per wk) instead of alternate day (Mon/Wed/Fri)…4hrs per session instead of 2hrs…

I have mixed feelings over tis…maybe tat’s part of the reason I can’t sleep (therefore here blogging)…u see…I’ve been with her 24/7 since birth…well…except the 3 mths tat I went back to work (after maternity leave) before resigning…from the moment she yells “Mummy open ur eyes – wake up”…till the moment I whisper “Darling close ur eyes – sleep”…we spend time reading…playing…doing crafts…on some days me putting up with her tantrum…other days she ignoring my grouchiness…now…she’ll be ‘gone’ for 4hrs…everyday…! I know…its good for her…she can learn more things…it’s a growing up phase…& I should be happy she’s improving…moving on from ‘play’ to ‘work’…but I’ll miss her…it seems like she’s growing up so fast…my little baby is growing up…

Someone told me…‘isn’t it good to send her to school for longer hrs? u’ll have more time to urself’…well…I rather less time to myself…cos like the song from Aerosmith – I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing…but I’ve been telling myself…its better for her…she’ll be able to learn more things & have few more friends…furthermore…she seems to be enjoying her lessons (tat’s part of the reason why I decided to ‘move’ her) & her teachers have been giving feedback tat she’s ready for the next level…so there’s no reason why I should hold back (except the missing her part)…

Well…see how things goes today…oh…as for the part whereby I can be free for those 4hrs…not true…cos I’ve a baby (Cutie) to spend time with & I think its important tat I spend as much time with her as possible…cos I already have a live example to show me tat time with them flies pass very fast…

Toddler + Newborn = Tired + Busy Mum aka Grouchy Mum… 

I’m sick…husband was sick on Thursday & I caught the bug…so worried both kids might catch it…sigh…

I’m entering Jan 2010 with mixed feelings…there are lots of changes ahead of me & I wonder if I can handle them… 

(1) The arrival of Baby #2 in late Jan – I’m not so worried of the physical aspect of things…dun need to buy many things cos Baby #2 can get hand me downs from Sweetie Darling…I’m more worried abt the emotional part…how are we (husband & I) going to handle being parents of a newborn (again)…how is Sweetie going to handle being a big sister…& so on…

(2) The new house – Well…we didn’t need to do any major renovation for the place (Thank God..!) & the basic stuffs tat we wanted to be done (like painting the whole place) is more or less completed…except the installation of the main gate (which according to the contractor will be done next wk cos the each & every one of their gate is custom made & it takes 2 wks to do up 1…*faint*)…we’re still not sure if we’re moving in immediately after the gate is up or to wait till after Baby #2 is born…

(3) Need to register N2 for Sweetie (by late Jan or early Feb) – Which school should we choose…? GP or BP…?

I feel tat the above points are major issues in my life rite now…I’m sort of worrying…when will Baby #2 come…to move or not to move…& so on…feeling down cos the throwing up came back…just thinking of all these makes me ‘shudder’…

I’m in my 36wks liao…very sian…cos my throwing up came back…it really affects my mood…I feel tired & grouchy…*sigh*…